Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
