My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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