I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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