My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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