Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
