so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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