What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
