I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
