so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
