no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
