I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
