we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
