shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
