Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
