burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize