i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
