i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
