Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
