That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Your mouth is God's brothel.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
