I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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