saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
