Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
