ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
