Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I love having hate sex.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
