so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize