aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
