I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
