What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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