just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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