I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I can't turn off my feet"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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