Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
