i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
