whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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