Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
