Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
