Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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