Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I need to sanitize my soul.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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