well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
is that a dick in a sweater?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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