Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
NoShamevember. You game?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
