She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
