I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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