The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
