Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
His nipple licking is glorious
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