so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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