So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize