Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
