so explain again why im purple
no
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
