Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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