You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
