cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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