You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
