if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
