tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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