Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
