i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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