apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
