I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
