There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
