I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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