Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
