So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
