from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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