Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Watching her eat just hurts me
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
