when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
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