we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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