hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
