She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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