found the other keg... it's in the tree
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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