p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
