dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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