When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
