Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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