Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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