i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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