Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
