so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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