it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
