Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
