I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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