im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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