its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
